Camp: Day One

Today was our first official day back to camp after a two week visit home to catch up with family and friends and for our kids to participate in a super awesome nature and wilderness skills camp where they learned things like what to do if they get lost in the woods, how to make homemade lotion, how to properly clean water if you run out while camping. Pretty awesome in my book.  Alas the woods and water, and well work for J, called us back and so wonderfully the cafeteria greeted us with some deliciously cooked garlicky kale for dinner. What more could a girl who loves kale ask for? Oh my it was a nice welcome back! And A happily met a girl her age, actually born one day after her, they were smitten with each other from the start and excited to play. It was hard to say goodnight the girls were so excited to finally meet each other (in the past there have been an abundance of boys but not girls here at camp).

So our day today started out full of hope that our day would be full of playing with the kids at camp, but we found ourselves asking, "Where are all the kids?" No really, we had to ask, because we couldn't find them.  I think I was a little naive about how easy it would be to fit in here and find our groove (and look who's being hard on herself, it's only been one day).  Most everyone here, except the students, have been coming here for years. The professors and researchers, all in similar fields related to biology, and staff all have their routines, many involving babysitters and jobs.  I wish I could say I am feeling empowered as one of two stay at home moms here, but today I felt lonely, missing my core group of mamas at home, my friends, and the familiarity of home. In general the community in which I live is filled with so much more diversity and lots of kids and families with stay at home moms and dads.  I found myself feeling inferior to the women here because I was not working outside of the home, not in academia, and I did not have a babysitter to watch my kids, but that was a crappy way to feel. So I grouched at J at lunch time and then snapped outta the funk.  Poor guy didn't know what was wrong because we barely had a minute to say hello at lunch.  In time, I will feel more empowered and connected  and my confidence in where I am at will feel stronger and healthier. Relationship building takes time and I have some ideas lurking that just need time to develop. It's a difficult adjustment for the kiddos, too, learning the ins and outs of social interactions with new kids and finding their groove in a new environment.  All that said, though, the day was pretty great filled with lots of bike riding, mask making, swimming, fish catching, cicada watching, and friend making.  The background of the lake and the calling of the loons, the bountiful garden, the exuberant volleyball games, the beautiful gorge and wild blueberries, is pretty amazing and grounding at the end of the day. It's a pretty cool community here, just trying to figure out where we fit in.  I know it will take some time and next summer will feel that much easier. I will try to remember this, and remind my kids of this, when it's feeling extra hard or we're feeling really out of our comfort zone. It's a healthy challenge.